Or Are We Just Tired?….A Iconique Magazine Relationship Blog Article
Scroll long enough and you’ll see the same headline dressed in a thousand outfits: “Men are cheap.” “Men are sassy.” “Men don’t lead.” “Men want 50/50 but still want 100% respect.” And on the other side: “Women are unrealistic.” “Women are hypercritical.” “Women don’t choose peace.” “Women want a provider but won’t be a partner.”
If it feels like the gender wars moved into the group chat, it’s because they did.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: when relationships are struggling at scale, it’s rarely because one gender suddenly became “bad.” It’s usually because the system around relationships changed faster than our skills, expectations, and emotional maturity could keep up. And the mess shows up as blame.
So who’s the number one contributor to today’s relationship issues—men or women?
Neither!
The biggest contributor is how we do conflict + expectations under pressure: poor communication habits, unspoken roles, money stress, uneven life management (“mental load”), and dating culture that rewards replacement over repair. Research on relationship stability repeatedly points to destructive conflict patterns as the real relationship killer—not a gender.
Let’s break down why the “cheap and sassy” label is trending—and what’s really underneath it.
Why Some Women Say Men Are “Cheap”
When women say “cheap,” they aren’t always talking about a man’s bank account. They’re often talking about effort, consistency, and investment—emotional and practical, not just financial.
1) Economic reality is eating romance
Money stress is one of the most common friction points for couples, and financial conflict tends to be intense and repetitive.
Even outside marriage, people are dating while carrying inflation pressure, debt, unstable work schedules, and family obligations. When finances feel tight, “provider expectations” can collide with “I’m trying to survive” reality—
and each side can interpret the other as selfish.
.
2) The “who pays” conversation became a values test
For many women, who pays early on symbolizes:
- • “Will you protect and provide?”
- • “Are you serious about me?”
- • “Do you value me?”
- For many men, that same moment symbolizes:
- • “Am I being used?”
- • “Will this be fair long-term?”
- • “Do you value me beyond my wallet?”
Same moment. Two meanings. No translation. Conflict.
Why Some Women Say Men Are “Sassy”
“Sassy” is one of those words people use when they don’t know how to name what they’re experiencing. In this context, it usually points to a few patterns:
1) Defensive communication and “I’m not wrong” energy
Relationship research is clear that certain conflict styles reliably poison connection—especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (withdrawal).
When women say “sassy,” they often mean: quick to argue, quick to clap back, slow to repair.
2) A leadership vacuum (or a negotiation fatigue)
Some women want a man who leads with clarity. Some men want a partnership where everything is negotiated. Both are valid preferences—but when the couple never agrees on the operating system, every decision becomes a debate. Debate fatigue becomes resentment. Resentment becomes disrespect.
3) Emotional expression without emotional regulation
A man having feelings is not the problem. The issue is how feelings get expressed. If emotion shows up as sarcasm, scorekeeping, passive aggression, disappearing, or explosive reactions, people label it “sassy” because it feels immature—not masculine or feminine.
.
The Quiet Fuel Behind Most Relationship Breakdowns
If we’re being factual, the strongest “predictors” of relationship decline tend to be behaviors and stressors that any gender can bring into the room:
1) Destructive conflict patterns (the #1 day-to-day destroyer)
Couples don’t break because they disagree. They break because they don’t know how to disagree without turning into enemies. The Gottman work highlights specific communication behaviors that predict relationship breakdown and offers “antidotes” like gentle start-up, responsibility-taking, and repair attempts.
2) Unequal labor and “mental load” (the #1 slow-burn resentment builder)
A lot of modern couples both work—yet the invisible planning still lands disproportionately on women: remembering, coordinating, anticipating needs, scheduling, managing emotions, tracking kids, meals, holidays, family obligations. Research on cognitive household labor (“mental load”) links disproportionate burden to stress and relationship functioning.
And people say this matters: most married adults rate sharing chores as important to a successful marriage.
When women feel like they’re living with a “grown child,” attraction suffers. When men feel constantly criticized, motivation suffers. Both lose.
3) Dating culture: endless options, low accountability
Dating apps can create choice overload—too many options, too little intentionality. Experimental work shows high “partner availability” can increase choice overload and reduce self-esteem, which can distort how people select and treat partners.
Add social media “iFidelity” (emotional boundary-crossing online) and the temptation to keep backups, and commitment gets fragile.
So… Who’s the Bigger Contributor: Men or Women?
If your question is asking, “Which gender is worse?” — that’s the wrong measurement.
If your question is asking, “What’s the biggest driver of relationship failure today?” — here’s the answer:
The #1 contributor is not men or women. It’s the combination of (1) chronic stress (money/time), (2) unequal life management, and (3) unskilled conflict—plus a dating culture that normalizes replacing instead of repairing.
Men and women both contribute—just in different common ways depending on the couple:
• Some men contribute through emotional avoidance, inconsistent effort, porn/app addictions, lack of domestic partnership, or defensiveness.
• Some women contribute through contempt, constant comparison, unrealistic expectations, poor boundary-setting, or using shame as “motivation.”
And yes—women can be “cheap” emotionally (withholding softness, warmth, appreciation). Men can be “cheap” relationally (withholding consistency, protection, follow-through). The gender isn’t the villain. The pattern is.
What Fixes It: A Two-Sided Reset
For men (if you want peace and passion)
• Lead with consistency, not speeches.
• Learn to argue without disrespect: no stonewalling, no defensiveness spirals.
• Share the mental load: don’t “help”—own.
• If money is tight, say it early with a plan. Transparency beats resentment.
For women (if you want provision and partnership)
• Don’t confuse love with constant testing. Ask directly.
• Replace contempt with clarity: contempt is relationship poison.
• Choose standards—but also choose skills: conflict skills, emotional regulation, and accountability make your standards sustainable.
• Reward effort with appreciation; appreciation is a power tool, not “settling.”
For couples (the real cheat code)
• Fight the problem, not each other.
• Make roles explicit: money, chores, family, phones, sex, social media boundaries.
• Build repair rituals: weekly check-in, apology language, “reset” after conflict.
• Treat finances like a shared mission, not a secret war.
.
Iconique Magazine Takeaway
If you want a factual answer that doesn’t play to the algorithm: men are not “the problem,” and women are not “the problem.” The problem is that modern love is happening under modern pressure—with old scripts and weak skills.
The couples that win today aren’t the ones with perfect gender roles. They’re the ones with clear expectations, fair partnership, financial transparency, and respectful conflict.
And that’s the kind of love that’s not cheap at all.
Comment Below
Discover more from ICONIQUE MAGAZINE
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.